Hello!!

First of all- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I'm back!! I've been gone for so long. Where do I even begin?! Spent most of my time in "reflection mode". Still trying to find my place in this world.

Although I really wish my return came with good news, unfortunately, that's not the case. I can't say I have any groundbreaking news actually, but so much has happened since my last post! I shall post updates when possible to catch up.

I def miss this virtual outlet. This new hermit detached version of me that has evolved aint cutting it!

Let's see...exciting news...neigh. BUT- I joined the most amazing gym of all time!! The dance and yoga classes have maintained my sanity amidst all the madness. My goal- to be able to bring my foot above my head. If that sounds like no big deal then YOU TRY IT! It's damn hard!!

(this dude's not even doing it all the way butttt; he doth have nice ass)

Well, I just wanted to peek in and say hi. I promise I'll write more very shortly, but there are currently double stuffed Oreos SCREAMING my name!!

xoxo,

[photos courtesy of Flickr]

Sad People Gossip

[Photo courtesy of solecism]

So it has seriously been one of those weeks, filled with highs and lows and everything in between.

Let's begin with work [allow me to clarify, boss= man (referred to as him) manager = she-devil (referred to as her)]- so my manager is a two faced sh*t talking c_ _ _. Yep I said it, the unacceptable 'c' word (so dirty!), but she is what she is. I started my week off by venting to my boss about what a jerk she is and in typical guy form, he was at a loss for words, confused, and aggravated. Ended up talking to her about things and we left it off pretending we somewhat like each other and that I was going to continue to be awesome.

Then we have the personal life. Before proceeding, I would like to state that this is my personal blog and I am going to go on a venting tangent- so I apologize to any readers who are directly involved in the events I speak of in my blog. Don't take it personal, perhaps make a change?

There are three things I want to discuss:
1. Sh*t Talking
2. Making Time For People
3. Loyalty

1. Trash Talking. Over the last two weeks I took care of a friends dog, we'll call him "Muppet" (I know I do). So Muppet is a typical Maltese, happy, energetic, and a complete spaz. However, don't get it twisted, I love Muppet. He is a loving guy who plays ever so wonderfully with my Valentina. They are adorable! Anyways, Muppet had some potty issues (one should always expect that when taking care of any dog. Sh*t happens, literally), he loved to lift his leg on the corner of my couches, tables, etc but what concerned me the most was his love for tinkling near the cable wires. So when I could not keep an eye on him (like while at work or asleep) I kept him in the kitchen. To make a long story short- there were some comical events that occured and then there was the accumulation of work related issues. So I get home on Monday- the day I had a meeting with my boss about my manager, and come home to Muppet exiting my bedroom (which is OFF LIMITS) and pee all over the apartment. Pee on the corner of the sofa, pee under the table, pee on the rug, pee on the corner of my chair, pee on my PILLOW!!! (I discovered that recently and thankfully it was not the one I sleep with), anyway you get my point. So naturally I was filled with rage. What did I do? Since I couldn't call Muppets mom because she was over seas, I texted a friend who is also a well known gossip. So of course I would never say anything to him (yep, a dude) that I would want to keep a "secret".

What I said- verbatim, was this: text #1-"Do you know when ____ is coming home? Muppet needs to go", Gossiping buddy: "ask her 'boyfriend'. I have no idea", text #2: "he peed everywhere!! I am so pissed!". -THE END.

So I clean up the mess, I stomp around for a few, and I'm over it. The next day my friend returns, I share the eventful stories, I share that Muppet had some accidents, and that's that. He's a dog and although he had some accidents, he's still a good dog and I love him. I would take care of him again and Valentina and Muppet will remain BFFL. However, I get a message on Thursday from Muppets mommy saying "so I just heard u were saying when I was coming back cause u need or want to get rid of my dog?"

Let me just tell you that this message made me want to put my fist through something. As if dealing with trash talkers for 40 hours a week at work wasn't enough. First of all, I never said "get rid of dog", that sounds terrible. Second, I said that while in a fit of fury. I didn't deny what I actually said because if I am to be quoted I'd prefer it be correct. She got over it or so I hope, because I know she is smart and taking word from someone like that isn't very smart. My point is, was it REALLY necessary to share that with her? What was the purpose? I didn't say anything I was trying to hide, but still. This person is definitely not one to talk, even if to him it was harmless. It was unnecessary. All he did was annoy me, anger her, and prove everyone's point that he stirs up unnecessary drama.

"You don't prove loyalty by telling someone every insignificant thing that is said about them, but by defending them when they are not there to defend themselves". -S.Aguilar (I totally quoted myself)

[Photo courtesy of Flickr]

2. Making time for people. Pretty self explanatory. Basically, there are several people that I would love to spend time with, I always make plans with them and right before they are to be executed, the plans dissipate. It isn't just one person in particular and I am partially to blame for some of the situations, but I find myself wondering; if people mean so much to you, why is it so hard to make time for them? Is it because you are honestly busy? Or are you just being selfish with your time, only giving it to certain people- or keeping it to yourself even? Why is it that you can care for someone with all that you have but you don't make that effort to go spend time with them? We can say that life just handed us too many responsibilities, but lets be real- we all have some downtime. We even share that downtime with other people that are already in our every day life. I look at it like "I'm just not important enough to them". Any insight to these questions would honestly help me a great deal. I really don't get it.

3. Loyalty. As I stated in my quote above, loyalty is more than being a reporter. Loyalty is sticking up for someone or doing things for someone without the need to even tell them that you did it. The satisfaction of knowing that you put someone in there place for the person is sufficient. We stick by people no matter what. We tell them the truth at all times, even if it hurts- as long as we say things with their best interest in mind. We keep their personal issues and secrets quiet. And I think the most important thing (besides being supportive most of the time) is to know when to tell them things. I don't find it necessary to tell people everything other people say about them, and if I do it's because it's to their best benefit to be filled in. We should want the people we love to be better people. How can a flower bloom when it is suffocated by the dirt? Just provide some sunlight (positive attitude), nutrients (words of encouragement), and a place where its roots can flourish and grow (trust and support).

We really need to filter the garbage that comes out of our mouths. You're not a bad friend or lover if you choose to keep trash talking comments to yourself. Just make sure if it ever comes up that you did something to defend them. If you tell me that someone called me a name, I'm going to wonder if anything was said in my defense. Did you just sit there and let someone bash me? What kind of friend are you to me? Obviously, not a loyal one.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend peeps!

xoxo,

So They Say

Some loving messages for you lovely folk...

“No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
-Albert Einstein

“Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away.”
-Madonna (Evita)

“Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.”
-Alexander Pope

Ever have one of those days where you are just a ball of love?! Must be Louie Armstrong. I'll just play some Godfather on the Wii and get over the mushies.

Ciao,

******************UPDATE****************************
See- I swear I'm Psychic!! I just received word (and I do stress the 'just') that my former roommate Steven and his lovely woman are engaged!!!

♥Congrats love birds!♥

P.S. The Giants suck! Let's go Packers!!

Days Like These

Good Morning!!

Ever have days like these? I wish I had an exciting job that I looked forward to every day. I don't even need to be doing some adrenaline pumping activities, just a job that made me feel like I had a purpose. This way the darn day wouldn't drag and I'd feel useful.

Some days (usually every day), life just doesn't make sense. My job, my income, my future, and especially l'amor. Most of the time I find that people around me just don't make sense! Are people really that dumb?! I know life can suck, and I know that a lot of the choices I make can intensify the suckage, but at least I actively try to change that and when I don't, I can take responsibility for it and see the bright side.

However, there are people who apparently love to be miserable. No matter how bright the sun is shining, they will always find a cloud in the distance to complain about. Damn Debbie downers! Don't rain on my parade!! Makes me wanna stick my face in that pillow and snuggle with my pup.

Back to their stupidity. Can I get a OMG-WTF spectrum?! Seriously, I'd look at someone and be like, "OMG (would be blue according to spectrum) Debs, you're def a uh blue green right now, just Google it. I can't deal with you today. Not feeling very yellow orange right now."

Hope my ramblings made someone chuckle inside.

Have a pleasant day, and SMILE! It'll ruin some grouch's day!

[Images from ffffound]

Family

[Photo by .Ariel]

We all have them. Some more sane than others, some more present than others, but no matter what type of family you were born with (if you were blessed to have one), you should always cherish them.

I've always been a big family person. No matter how dysfunctional mine may be. They have always been there to support and strengthen me. What made me write this blog however, are the current events going on in the lives of those around me that has caused me to vocalize (and now blogitize) the importance of family. It's true, no two families are alike, and it is also true that family's can be a pain in the @$$. But if you are fortunate enough to have a family, you should definitely make sure they hold an important place in your life.

I know people who have family but cannot stand to be around them, or do not spend time with them, etc. Life is too short to spend trying to escape your relatives. At the end of the day, when the world has turned their backs on you and you have no one in the world to turn to, your family will always be there for you. Until your very last breath, they will be present. In heart, in mind, and in the flesh. So let's put aside the petty BS and go hug a family member!

"No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?"
- Elbert Hubbard

Love,

[Photo by Steven Brannon]

Childhood Nostalgia

[Photo by Gerla Brakkee's]

Happy Flippin Saturday!

Remember those days as a youngster when we were so easily entertained? I miss those day.

A typical Saturday involved:

• Waking up at 8 A.M. to watch Saturday morning cartoons -Saturday morning cartoons now suck
• Walk over to my friends house and see if they wanna play -friends now live driving distance and mostly sleep past 11 A.M, I also have way too many expenses to just go out and drive aimlessly. People also require phone calls before arrival
  
• Play some entertaining games like doctor, cops and robbers, tag, hide & seek, softball, etc -my friends and I now spend Saturday mornings running errands. So these fun games have been replaced with "fun" trips to the farmers market, drug store, and mall
• Eat a delicious lunch between noon and 2, meal courtesy of my parents or friends parents -now meal is courtesy of myself. Bummer.
• Play some more -usually I get tired of running around by mid afternoon
• The rest of the day just goes by, worry free and filled with adventures -I now need plans in advance, money to pay for "fun activities", and the whole worry free thing just doesn't work when you grow up. Thoughts of bills and adult drama plague our minds.

If only for just a day I could go back in time and relive my childhood. This is why it is said to try and see the simplicities of life through the eyes of a child (something like that).

Well blogguette, I need to shower because this day is too BEAUTIFUL to be wasted indoors!

xoxo,

Smiley!

Today is a good day. Yesterday I took my car to a friend and he fixed it!! He told me years ago to replace the idle air control valve and it took a stalling car and check engine light to get it done. So $70 bucks and two and a half years later, my car runs fine!

Yesterday I also got to see someone special :)

Today I am leaving work at 3 for a doctors appointment, so in just 2 and a half hours I get to peace out of this biotch!

It's such a nice sunny day out. I can't wait to get in my newly functioning car and drive to Starbucks for a nice afternoon treat.

I'm so greatful for this day and will continue to pray for a new job!!

Haha. P.S. This picture totally reminds me of this time when my little brother was sleeping and I took black nail polish and painted two smiley faces on his big toe nails. He was running late for summer camp in the morning so he quickly threw on some flip flops and ran out of the house. The camp was taking him on a field trip. On the bus one of the kids announced "why the heck do you have smiles on your toes?". He was so embarrassed because he had no clue how they ended up on his feet.

We were all out of nail polish remover at home so the kid spend hours filing and scraping it off. My brother hasn't wore sandals since and that was like 11 years ago. Still a hilarious story.

xoxo,

Car Woes and Other Follies

I think my car is trying to get rid of me...really? After all that's happening in my life, is this really another thing to add to the list?
I guess this teaches me a HUGE lesson- in the words of my former Public Speaking professor, "preparing to fail is preparing for failure". Tsk tsk on my part for ignoring the 3 year warning signs my car has displayed. Just because something looks like it may have "fixed itself", or the symptoms have "disappeared", they most likely haven't. So for future reference, get it fixed now so it doesn't get worse and cost more tomorrow.
Another lesson: listen to your parents. My dad told me to get the Nissan Xtera, but instead I picked the Ford Escape?? What the hell is wrong with me?! I'll blame temporary insanity. Or just plane insanity because I don't think it's temporary haha.

Now, let's recap my to do list:
Get a new job
Fix Car
Go to graduate or medical school
Pay sh*t off
Get rid of mosquitos- oooh ooohh CHECK- done (I killed the bastard!).
Pray often

At least I got one thing off my list. I'm going to try and remain positive. Ok, I'm off to happier things like showering!

xoxo,

I Loathe Thee!!

I never use the word hate (except when discussing Hillary Clinton). I think it's an ugly, hateful, awful word. However, when I think of these nasty blood sucking creatures I can't help but wish for the destruction of their species!!!

For the past week there has been a mosquito dwelling in my apartment and eating me alive!! I really can't take it any more. I am going mad! I look like some ridiculous human Dalmation.

What can I do to get rid of this satanic pest??

Help me!!!!

Sincerely Sick of Being a Meal,

Dammit, I Missed My Train...

Did I totally miss the "career train"?? After spending about an hour on the phone with my mom, I have come to the conclusion that my life f*cking sucks huge King Kong vs Godzilla meets Donkey Kong b@lls. It's been a little over two months since I graduated, and despite submitting my resume to what feels like 150 different jobs- I have not gotten one single response. I wonder if my resume sucks that bad?! Now, you know your life has gone to sh*t when people are suggesting you work as a Barista at Starbucks (not knocking the job but I'm kinda not trying to head in that direction). It baffles me to be stuck in this diarrhea saturated man-ties (equiv of female panties) of a rut!

Seriously, WTF do I do now??!! I have my damn Mom up my @ss and I haven't exactly been easy on myself either. I do not want to settle for being 21K underpaid and severely over worked but what can I do? I wish I could say, "I need this job to pay the bills" but too bad this job doesn't even do that! I'm really only there for my damn benefits. Darn ADHD of mine!! Yeah, so I can't function without my Adderall...don't judge me, I'm sure you have your little addictions too.

So I'm a broke, rambling, Adderall addicted, ADHD, dead end job working, good looking (hee hee :) 20-something year old loser?! Ooof, I should just fall down a flight of stairs. Maybe that'll delay my rent a bit?

STOP!! Hammer Time. Sayyyy Cheeseeeee



Ok, rambling over (for now). Off to bed so I can wake up and go to my sh*tty job!! Yay!!! Ohhhh the joys of life.


P.S. There is a flippin mosquito that's out to get me!!

P.S.S. You can sure say that again!! --------->>

Monsters!

So last night I had The WORST dream ever. Literally everything I have been suppressing was involved!! I can't remember the details but I know that it included everything from money issues to an ex, my ex best friends mother, my current un-love object, my dog (in danger, don't know why but after she injured her eye on the radiator I've had this fear of her being seriously injured), my mom and this whole future ordeal.

I guess I can't run away from my problems but holy cow did they come after me!!

So for the first time in a long time- I prayed. I really hope God hears my prayer. Actually, I'll think positive. He will hear my prayer, or prayers.

Sincerely hopeful,

Where's My Head At?

I wanted to take a moment to pull myself out of this melancholy funk I've been in. Yes, it's been almost two weeks (on Friday) but it won't be the last time I see that face. How could we miss someone that much that we become this sad?!

Anywhoo, I find myself thinking naughty things... does this make me an addict?! If so, I DO NOT need/want help.

xoxo,

What Now?

When life places you at a crossroad once again, and you have exhausted every possibility- then what? There comes a time in a persons life when they get fed up. I'm at that point. In every aspect of my life I am fed up with being unappreciated. The one's who move ahead are not necessarily the mean ones, but the ones who put their needs first and speak their minds. It's my fault for not expecting much from people but people need to stop expecting so much from me!

For instance, at work, they pay me sh*t but expect me to take on all this work. I try my best but the more they scold me for stupid things the less I give. So now I'm still working hard- not to my full potential, and they still want more; like blood sucking vampires!! Stop feeding on me!! Heaven forbid you bring up being compensated for your work, oh no, they don't believe in paying their employees what they deserve. Stupid mother truckers.

Then there's the "friendships" topic, whether I am referring to the opposite sex, or same sex. They both expect me to give them my all. That means all of my time, attention, affection, even money. For goodness sake what the hell am I left with at the end of the day?! What I ask for is simple:

-Space- to think and be creative- ALONE

-Time- to spend making memories

-Support- through the good and bad

-Laughter- oh heavens just make me fu*king laugh dammit!

-An open mind- don't judge anyone

-Consideration- if you ask I will help you but make sure when I need you, your a$$ is there.

Now if my request is asking too much then maybe you shouldn't be in my life. These are the things I give people, and they are what I demand back. I have noticed that I have let go of several ties with people because these necessities weren't being met. Unfortunately, there are still those in my life that don't fulfill these requirements and although I don't feel for them as strongly as I did before, I am having a hard time letting go.

I know I have so much love and affection to give, but call me selfish, I am holding on to all of it until I am ready. So for now I'm giving a little to people here and there. No one has deemed themselves worthy of all of me. Quite frankly, all the vultures have taken so much of it that I have to build it all back up, from scratch.

Starting with this sorry job.

Thoughts of the Future & Scared Sh*tless

I have spent my whole life preparing for my future. As a little girl, it was drilled into my skull that being studious, smart, staying out of trouble, and getting straight A's would pave the way to a marvelous world where dreams come true. So for the most part, I was a good student...right up until my second year at FDU. That was the year my mother moved, my boyfriend went off to graduate school, and I was completely on my own. That was also the year I was supposed to celebrate transferring into Cornell, with my 3.8 GPA- not too shabby huh? Well I guess life doesn't work out as planned.

So I still managed to slide on by with my grades and graduate with a not so glorious GPA, but a degree from a good school that really made me work my ass off for it. A school who's Biology department didn't really believe or care for their students. I somehow forced myself through it, all while maintaining a full time job (part time in my last year), and having all the responsibilities of an adult. Why? What was my goal? Glad you asked.

I hoped to go to medical school and become a Neurologist. That was my goal. That is still my goal. However, here I sit with no past medical experience, a not so great GPA, a degree, and no current plans for this future. Where do I even start?? Thoughts like this never crossed my mind while I was in school because I somehow thought that once I graduated, all these opportunities would just come-a-knockin on my door...yeah, that was mildly inaccurate.

See, if I don't become a successful doctor I will feel like I have failed in life. I am so passionate about science and medicine and I find myself to be very knowledgeable about it all, but passion can only take you so far. Don't ask me the exact names of things because I don't remember (which is my huge issue). I think that my mind is incredible, not to toot my own horn but I know I am smart. Not book smart because books aren't the be all end all of information, but I have knowledge and a keen understanding for science. This "sense" won't help me ace the MCATS which I haven't even considered taking yet, I need the exact TERMS...

My life is at an awkward standstill and it's only 2 months post graduation! I have no clue what my next step should be. I have already started trying to look into other job opportunities but I haven't heard anything yet.

I just hope I don't end up at some dead end job working in some cubicle for some crap ass salary- no offense to those who do but corporate America is not for me. I may be lost now but I refuse to settle for mediocrity. I'd even be happy with a research job and my PhD. That may even be a more attainable goal. I wish I knew what to do! Until I figure this out, I am going to be a mental wreck.

Here's to a future of uncertainty.

First Blog

Welcome to blogger!! Yep, I welcomed myself. I'm very excited to find a place where I can just note all of my thoughts (which are usually a cluster f@ck of nonesense). A nice oasis for the things that go on in this ADHD head of mine.

So my thoughts for today is that I really hate my job [insert cliche topic here]. In all seriousness, I'm not one to sit and complain and do nothing to change the situation, which is why I am actively looking to get the hell out of there as fast as I can. In the meantime, I can't remember working somewhere that made me absolutely miserable! I have a 10:30 meeting with my manager tomorrow...I'll probably get reprimanded for something again, even though I've tried to do everything quickly and efficiently. I guess misery loves company and all that sh*t.

I work as an accounting assistant but I just recently graduated with a neuroscience degree and a minor in Chemistry, so crunching numbers in excel all day is quite the snooze. However, a good work environment could make even the most mundane job as exciting as base jumping! Um...I'm exaggerating a tad but you get my point. See, I've worked for this firm for five years and for the majority of the time I loved it! It was only a couple of months ago that I switched positions and now I'm miserable. Overworked, underpaid, and highly stressed. Oh yeah, and BROKE!

Enough negative crap. Hopefully someone will come across my resume and find it to be a diamond in the rough. I really hope that happens soon!!

Ok blogguette,

Later!