Hello everyone!! Oh how I missed this place! Life definitely got a hold of me and almost dragged me down! But in true fighter form, I kicked it in the shins and ran! Hahaha.... yeah.
The past few weeks were rough, and still are. Between work, friends, family, and dare I say- love life? It all wore down on me. My friends decided to take a leave of absence, along with "him". I just don't get it. Being the astrological freak that I am, I blame it on their signs. See all of my close friends and "him", are
Aquarius'; and if you know an Aquarius, then you know that they have this tendency to just disappear with the wind. But like all good ones, they come back in like a cool breeze (if you give them their freedom).
Here's where my story got/gets hard.
I came clean with him about how I feel- sort of. I mean, I told him he meant a lot to me and that I was afraid to tell him how I felt because of fear that he would run away (like he has done in the past) and he told me that he felt the same way and that maybe he would have run in the past but not anymore because he feeling for me changed... I should be happy with that right? WRONG. Well, I was happy that he said that but I wasn't happy that I didn't hear from him for over a week following that conversation! It was like he fell off the face of the Earth! I texted him and got nothing. So that made me genuinely concerned about him. FINALLY on Saturday I hear from him via text, which can get quite tricky when trying to determine tone might I add. Turns out he went "away" for the week (no, not to jail), but he didn't have access to a phone.
Great. So he had like 4 text messages from me asking if he was alive, mad, etc. He was real short with me. Here's the convo from Saturday, verbatim (so what, I spell funny when I text):
Me: hey so I'm not taking my exam; sorry if I said something outta line last time; hope ur ok; and I miss u!
Him: thats great I was _____ just got out yesterday
Me: I had a feeling something happened. U ok? Sorry for all the messages, I was just worried
Him: I'm great thank you
What the eff?! I left that at that. He was probably in no mood to talk or hear anything so I let him be. I did say this to him last night,
"Babe I know u know this but I'm always here for u...if u need a talk, ass woopin, lay, shoulder, whatevs. I hate not talkin to u. There's a "his name" shaped void in my world"
Yeah yeah, I know, I'm gonna let him be. But I had to say my last piece. It kills me to let him pull away, even if it's temporarily because I worked so hard to get to where we were. Maybe he'll come back with a better perception of us, but I must also be prepared for him to walk away. Ugh!!! I keep thinking, what did I do wrong? I know it's not all me because he is going through his own personal trials and tribulations, but really- how can I make things better? All I can do and have been doing is relying on faith. That's all I can do. What do you think? Is he blatantly gone or am I being an emotional female?
Then there's work. My manager from hell! I have been busting my toocus to get a much needed spectacular review, but you know when you feel someone just has it out for you? She's a sh*tty manager, her work is behind, she lies about numbers (we're in finance and that's a bad move on her part), she's a lier, and she talks about us (her "team" of 3) behind our backs! Well, she makes snide remarks. For instance, her issue with me is my time....lord
DO NOT get me started!! My company has never been a stickler for the petty sh*t like this, they are all about "work-life balance". Apparently this b*tch doesn't get it. So I've been coming in on time and working over time (gotta pay these mounting bills!) but I know because I took today off, she'll have some things to say- not to my face of course.
Oh well, she'll get what's coming to her soon enough. That dumbass.
On a positive note, I took today off to take care of a long/ expired to do list!! I have sooo much to do that can only be handled during business hours. So I'm off to
get'er done!xoxo,
[Photos via Flickr]
